I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
