I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
