My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
