It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
