Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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