I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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