i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
