All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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