No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
