You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
