You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
