I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
