Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
