My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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