tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just blew my weed a kiss
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
