she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
now i know why i became what i already was.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
