I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
