he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
