drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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