Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
