drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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