i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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