bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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