that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
