You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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