Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
