i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
