RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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