Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
