they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
