I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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