Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
