If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I stole a fireplace last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
