That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
