I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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