thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
