Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
