Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
