it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
