I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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