He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
