can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
pray to the hookup gods
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
