Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude. I can hear the air.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
