It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
