I feel like abortions should bother me more
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
