I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
