Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
