Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
