Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
