I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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